All These Emotions!!!

So I'm feeling a little anxious right now. Okay... a lot anxious.  Remember the emotions from that Disney movie Inside Out? Yeah, Fear has taken over.  I have to work tomorrow, and for the first time EVER, we are leaving the kids with someone who is NOT a family member. My awesome neighbor Stephanie, who is a stay at home mom , agreed to help us out this summer so I don't have to cut my hours at work like I usually do. The kids really like her and I have total faith in her, but still, it's like...whoa. I know nothing is going to happen, but Fear has put all these horrible worst-case-scenario situations in my head and I can't get them out.

He has me convinced that something will go wrong. What if Johnny has a meltdown? What if for some reason he goes a little cuckoo birds and loses his shit? What if Jordan gives her miss thing attitude and refuses to be compliant, and starts screaming and yelling? What if one of them gets hurt? Johnny's been known to have Superman strength when he gets angry, what if he throws something and it hits her baby?

What if... what if... what if...

AAAGH!!!

But then Joy reminds me that in reality, the kids only want to please whomever they are with and are genuinely happy. Johnny spends 99% of his day playing between the living room and his bedroom with pretty much everything he can find, and Jordan spends her day either coloring, listening to her cd player or playing with her PowerPuff Girls.  She also loves to be a helper, and will help Stephanie with anything she needs! They are self sufficient, and we are very blessed that there are no other issues going on, especially with toileting! Really, she's just coming to hang out with two really cool kids and I definitely need to chill out.

Sadness will sometimes pop in to remind me that I'm not going to be home with them as much this summer, and I'm probably going to miss out on some really nice, fun days. She also reminds me that no matter how much I wish it, family isn't always going to be available for babysitting.  But then Joy comes back and says that's okay, our family still loves us! It's also okay to make new friends and for the kids to be able to trust them and build a rapport with them.

All in all, tomorrow is going to be a very hard, anxiety ridden day for me. But it's going to be okay. The kids will have fun with Stephanie, Jordan will help out, and Johnny will be his regular, entertaining self. They will be fine, and I will be fine.

Just gotta remember to breathe....

Peace and Love,

Mrs. Ceda

PS: No, I don't own any of these images. They're Disney Pixar's. If I did,I'd be insanely rich on an island somewhere and not sitting on my couch in my pj's! 😂

Stress and the Strive for Perfection

Being a parent is hard.

I could sit here and say "being a special needs parent is hard," but that wouldn't be fair. Raising any child, neurotypical or not, is tough. You're held up to so many standards it's ridiculous. You're ruining their brains by letting them have screen time, send them outside more. Make sure you use sunblock! But don't use brand X of sunblock because it causes cancer.  They will be smarter if you read to them in the womb, but only these particular books. If you don't breastfeed, your child is going to be slower, overweight, have a lower i.q. and won't have any friends. Feed them only organic, homegrown food or they'll be sugar addicted spazzoids. You're a bad parent if you let them watch television. Their x (allergies,special needs, handicaps, etc.) are your fault because you x (vaccinated too soon, didn't breastfeed, gave them a candy cane on Christmas, etc.)  You get the picture.  And that's just from the parenting  "experts." The pressure put on us by our peers on the wicked vice of social media is even worse. You sit there and look at all their perfect pictures of their perfect family outings, and hear about how little Timmy eats only green vegetables and gets ready for school all on his own, and Janey plays first chair violin in the first grade orchestra and is reading at a 5th grade level. Meanwhile you're at home discussing for the hundredth time the importance of wearing pants with your son and trying to convince your daughter that reading for 5 seconds doesn't count as reading for 20 minutes.

It's overwhelming, I know.  Let's see if we can figure out how to stop this runaway train of stress and anxiety, shall we?

First things first.
Stop.

Stop comparing your kids to other people's kids, and your parenting skills to other people's parenting skills. You are not raising the same children.  They are raising their kids. You are raising yours. You do what you think is best for your kids, and just because your BFF isn't doing it the same way doesn't mean that your decision is wrong.  (And I'll let you in on a little secret. Social media is lie! All those perfectly perfect posts of perfect perfection? Yeah. All Lies.)  So do you, folks. Don't worry about them.

Second, take everything with a grain of salt.

 What that means is that when you hear a "recommendation" from an "expert" on GMA or The Today Show or the like, research it a little bit more before you act on it. They may not have your best wishes at heart. 9 times out of 10, they're just looking to line their pockets.


Third, take a deep breath and ask yourselves this:

Are your kids happy?

This is the most important thing. Whether you live in a 3,000 sq ft house or a 300 sq ft apartment, if your kiddos are happy then you're doing it right. It doesn't matter what the "experts" on that morning talk show, your BFF, your acquaintance from high school or the girls in your mom group say. If those kids look at you every night with those adoring eyes, then Mom/Dad...you're nailing it!


Lastly, you're probably wondering what a good way to deal with your stress is, because let's face it everything I just said is much easier said then done! I don't have all the answers, but here are a few suggestions.

-You can definitely talk to a therapist. There is absolutely no shame in finding someone to talk to that is outside of your situation. They can help you find better ways to cope with and manage your stress and anxiety.

-Exercise. Go for a walk. Take a bike ride. My favorite is yoga. Getting your body moving is a good way to relieve tension. Your adrenaline will start pumping, which will release endorphins, which will help you to feel better!

-Meditate. There are a ton of mediation apps out there! If you don't want to download an app, look up guided meditations on YouTube. Even if it's only for 3 minutes, trust me. Taking the time to find some inner peace will help to put things into focus for you!


I feel all your pain when it comes to the stress, folks, trust me! Just remember to breathe, keep your heads on straight, and know that no matter what, your kids love you!

Until next time, my friends.
Peace and Love
Mrs.Ceda

Take Care of Yourself

Briefly, Johnny smoothly transitioned onto his new medication since my last post. He's doing really well with this one and we are happy with ability to sit still and focus more at school. Reports home have been positive. I'm still waiting to reschedule a team meeting to go over his progress, as I had to cancel the last one due to illness. I am anxious to meet with the whole team, as I have some issues I do want to address. But we'll talk about that another time!

Moving on!

The reason for the lack of November posts is because illness struck House Cederquist something fierce! First, Johnny came home sick, and soon after Daddy succumbed to it as well. Naturally, I took care of them. I made them soup, made sure they drank plenty of fluids, gave them their cold medicines and even wiped Johnny's nose.  Of course I washed my hands and cleaned the house, figuring that would be enough to safeguard me against catching the germs.  But in my rush to make sure they were okay and that they would recover, I forgot about my own needs. I wasn't eating right and I wasn't getting enough rest, staying up late to make sure they were propped up and sleeping comfortably.  What was just a head cold for them turned into a pretty nasty sinus infection for me that left me sidelined for almost two weeks. Being that sick made it extremely difficult to care for my family. Jordan was the last to come down with it, not soon after I did. Even she was out of school for two days. 

Which brings me to my point, which is probably going to earn me a lot of flack and a chorus of boos and hisses. If you want to be able to take care of your family, you have to take of yourself first. Make sure you are doing everything you can to stay healthy. Eat healthy, balanced meals. Drink lots of fluids, especially water! Get plenty of exercise and lots of good, quality rest. If you are at all feeling unwell, go to the doctor. Don't put it off because "you don't have time," or "she has dance," or "he has basketball," or "I have to be at the p.t.a. meeting." All of those things can wait.  If you delay it and you get sick, you and they will be far worse off.  It is more important to be healthy and have a clear head for the sake of your family.

So, as we head into the colder months, keep on top of your well being my friends. Take care of you so you can take care of them!

Stay warm and stay safe!

Peace and love

Mrs. Ceda

Upheaval

I know I say it frequently, but consistency is key. And this school year has been anything but consistent, which has made for a very difficult transition for Johnny. His behavior has been erratic, his hyperactivity has increased and his stims have been off the charts where they were previously minimal at best. He's not doing poorly at school, but his inability to calm himself down has made getting him to sit still long enough to concentrate increasingly troublesome. This lead to a conversation between myself, his teacher and his doctor, which resulted in an increase in his medication. (You can read about our decision to medicate here .) He ended up showing signs of aggression, which anyone who knows Johnny knows he is anything BUT aggressive, so on top of STILL having a hard time with school, we had to take him off his medication. He is presently back to being super hyperactive and basically unable to control himself without assistance. His little life is in a massive upheaval.


Before I start on this next segment, you should know that Johnny has had the same teacher for over a year now. He has developed a bond with her, knows her very well, and knows what her expectations are.  Going to school to see Mrs. R has become part of his routine.  So of course I get a call from the ASD program director today.  She said that because of an influx of kindergarten students at the same level as Johnny, his teacher is split between two classrooms. They feel that it would be better for him to have a different teacher so that he can stay in the same class with the same teacher. But don't worry, she says, all of his paraprofessionals, specialists, the kids in his class and his daily routine would stay the same, just his teacher would be different.

Hold the phone.

So you mean to tell me that, on top of the hardships he is already facing, you're going to disrupt his life EVEN FURTHER by changing a key part of his routine? He's just barely starting to get a hold of being back in school and you're going to pull the rug out from under him. He doesn't know this woman. He doesn't know what her expectations are, what her classroom rules are and what he's supposed to do. I can understand a change at the beginning of the year, but not 6 weeks in. You can't just drop this bomb on him and expect him to seamlessly switch his life around.  I told her that this would send him into a tailspin and make this already rocky transition even worse. She responded with...

"Just because of a change in teacher?"

You're the director of the ASD program. You should have a better understanding than anyone that it's not about the change in teacher, it's about the change in routine. Tweaks in the routine have the ability to massively disrupt the lives of people with autism and can result in regression that can take months to repair. Someone with your level of education is perfectly aware of that, so don't give me that feigned incredulity bit. You and I are both conscious of the fact that you know better.

 I bit my tongue and held back my ire. She asked if I just wanted to meet with just the teacher or if I wanted to meet with the whole team. I demanded the team meeting as soon as possible. Monday afternoon I am going to the school to find out when this is happening and exactly why.  I will try to keep my mama bear in check and be professional, but if backed into a corner I may not be able to control her.

Pray for us, folks.

Peace and Love
Mrs.Ceda

Batman

"You're a superhero for all that you do."


I get this one a lot. Many autism parents do. When people hear about our kids, they automatically think that we are superheroes for keeping our cool and a smile on our faces all the time. They think we're conquering the world by having special needs kids, like we're Superman or Wonder Woman, impervious to the pains of the average human being. For a while, I believed them. I felt like I was extra special because I was overcoming such a great obstacle in life. I felt like I was faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive. Nothing could take me down.

It took me a while to realize that I was none of these things.

I am no Wonder Woman.

If anything, I am more like Batman.

See, Batman is just a human. No alien super powers. No bullet proof gauntlets or lasso of truth. He's not immune to pain and is only equipped with the gadgets he's made and the power of his brain. He gets bruised, he's been beaten down, and has been emotionally and physically broken. And where I don't have any gadgets, I get up every morning equipped only with the power of my brain. I don't know what kind of mood my kiddos are are going to be in when they get up, and what the day is going to bring. I have to assess each situation as it arises and use my detective skills to figure my way out of the difficult ones while protecting the greater good, aka Jordan and Johnny's well being. I feel pain, like when I see them struggle to control their feelings or when they melt down and there's nothing I can do to help them. I haven't been physically broken, but the emotional breaks happen more often than I'd like to admit. I lose my cool. I cry and frequently feel defeated.

So no, I'm not a super hero. I am not immune to pain and I don't always know how to handle a situation. I am merely a person, getting through every day with my wit and my skill. The skill that any woman or man acquires when they don the cowl and become a parent.

Or when they put on their Batman pajama pants.

Be the hero that your children need and the one that Gotham deserves.

Peace and Love

Mrs.Ceda

Transition

I should start by summing up August, because I promised a blog and got sidetracked and bogged down and didn't get to write one.

So we took the kiddos to New Hampshire to visit my sister, which they loved. They had their first overnight in a hotel, which despite Dad and I not sleeping went surprisingly well. There was only one massive meltdown when the engine on the boat died in the middle of the lake and we couldn't get to the beach right away as planned. Johnny unfortunately lost it, because things just didn't go according to plan. But other than that, they had a ball and can't wait to go back. ESY ended, and the subsequent two weeks were a roller coaster of bad days and good, which is entirely typical and happens every year.

Which brings me up to now. Here we are in the third week of the new school year. Well, sort of. School started on August 30th. They went back for three days, had four days off for Labor Day weekend, then went back for two days, had Thursday off for the primary elections, and then went back on Friday. So technically, even though it's the third week, it's really the first week because it's the first FULL week.

Did that schedule make you nuts?

 It drove us crazy We all know that consistency is crucial to our kiddos' lives. And the lack of consistency this school year so far has really taken it's toll on Johnny. He loves school, loves his teachers and loves his friends. Thus far, because he hasn't been given a chance to really transition, he's been abnormally physical in his non compliance, his stims have come back with a vengeance to the point of distraction, and he cannot sit still or focus. It's been disconcerting to say the least to have gotten more bad notes home than good.

Transitions are always tough, and it's especially difficult when the school system, which claims to work with parents, creates this wacky schedule that provides no structure for the kids to adhere to. I wish they'd remember that all kids are not the same and can not adjust so easily.

Here's hoping that these next few solid weeks help Johnny get back into the swing of things and on the road to success!!

Peace and Love

Mrs.Ceda
  

It's Not Always Pretty

I always try to keep my posts upbeat. I don't like to talk about the difficult things, like the meltdowns, the screaming, and the crying. They're hard to deal with, hard to write about and hard to read. But I guess  I wouldn't be a good teacher if I didn't educate about the bad as well the good.

This evening served as a painful reminder of the realities of autism. We decided to take the kiddos out for ice cream as a treat. Everyone went to the bathroom before we left, then we buckled into the car and were on our way. We had to circle around a couple of times for a parking space, but we finally found one and made our way over to the ice cream shop. No sooner did we enter, then Jordan announced that she really had to go to the bathroom and it couldn't wait. So it was off to the public restroom.

And into disaster.

She went to the bathroom no problem. But when she was done, she absolutely,positively refused to clean herself. I tried to get her to go back in, but she clamped her hands on the sides of the stall, threw the brakes on and started shrieking like I was sending her to her death. She threw her entire 70 lbs into me and knock me into the wall. Fed up, I told her that when we got home, she was going straight to bed with no turn on the Wii. Usually that will cue her to stop, because she doesn't want to lose her turn playing Mario. Needless to say that wasn't the case tonight.  Still weepy, we walked back to the ice cream parlor, where she continued to carry on until we sat down outside. That's when she started shrieking all over again. We sat for all of 2 minutes before we had to get up and leave because the meltdown was in full swing. She screamed, yelled, cried, and kicked the entire ride home, with Daddy Ceda trying desperately to keep Johnny from antagonizing her and me white knuckling it on the steering wheel. She was sent straight to bed, where she screamed for another 20 minutes before finally giving up. It was an absolutely excruciating two hours.

It's in these instances that I really hate autism. I hate that it sends my kiddos spiraling out of control because they don't understand how to control their emotions. I hate that it causes them to get overwhelmed by the simplest situations. And sometimes, I hate that I have to think twice about where we plan to take them because the surroundings might be too much for them to handle.

I don't want to change my kiddos. I love them just the way they are. But I am also human, and it is okay for me to have dark moments where I really just want to kick a puppy because the whole situation pisses me off and there's nothing I can do about it.

Today's Lesson: It's not always pretty, and it's not always going to be easy. But remember: you're still human, and it's perfectly normal to get angry when things are beyond your control.

Peace and Love

Mrs Ceda.

Extended School Year and the Necessity of Routine

Party in my house this week! Praise the powers that be, extended school year started on Tuesday! The regular school year ended on June 20th, and the following 3 weeks were, to put it nicely, like walking barefoot on Legos. They were very painful, at times unbearable, and often reduced us to tears.

Not EVERY day was like that. There were quite a few peaceful moments when we could sit back and enjoy being home with the kids.We tried our best to keep order and were very fortunate to keep some semblance of a schedule by sending them to their Uncle Pat's house a couple of days while I worked. But if they didn't know exactly what was going to happen when they got home each day, more often than not their behaviors would emerge and the evening would spiral out of control.  The lack of routine, the absence of getting up in the morning, eating breakfast, getting ready for and then leaving for school took a great toll on all of us  Daddy Ceda and I were frequently frustrated, exhausted and irritable by bed time. Squabbling and meltdowns were frequent, especially toward the end of the three weeks. Due to the lack of the demands of the school schedule, their world had become unstable.   This is why routine is so very important in an autism home. Routine keeps us from falling apart. Routine keeps us calm and makes us feel safe and secure. We know what each day brings, so we can anticipate what we have to do to make it through. As I just explained, our world becomes a slippery slope without it.

Let's clear something up about extended school year. It is not free childcare, nor is it a day camp. The kids are on  IEP's and  are maintaining skills they've learned over the past academic year. The teachers and therapists develop a schedule for these kids to follow that include their services (speech, OT and PT) as well as basic skills such as math and language arts.  They aren't running around doing arts and crafts and singing kumbaya around a campfire while toasting s'mores. Fun is incorporated into the day, but they are there to keep learning and stay on course. The last thing you want is to see your kiddo regress and lose valuable skills that sometimes cannot be relearned.

ESY doesn't work for all spectrum kids. But for us it is a blessing. It keeps our kids right on track with their learning, deters regression, and most importantly brings back the routine!  I'm not anticipating fantastic reports home every day. That would be unrealistic. However, over the last two days both kiddos have gotten glowing home reports, so you know what? I'll take it. It means they are happy and they are back in their element of get up, eat breakfast, get ready and go to school. When they get home they are calm, collected and content. The evenings have been laid back and peaceful, and we really couldn't ask for much more. 

Peace and Love

Mrs.Ceda

Perfect to Me

I  never claimed my kids were perfect. They're not. But no one is, really. Just like everyone else, they have their good days and their bad. I've more than once yelled, screamed and cried out of sheer frustration because nothing I do or say seems to get through to them. This sure as shit has not been an easy journey.

Sometimes they use what they've learned.Most of the time, it takes some serious repetition and demonstration to get something to stick. They often stumble in their attempts to get it right, because they only want to please and tend to rush and forget things. But they don't give up. And for every trip and fall, and there have been more than a few, they pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and try even harder. I could only hope to have even half of their determination and perseverance.

My kids aren't perfect. But they are fighters, and they don't let anything get in their way. They do everything they can to make their place in this world and I couldn't be more proud of them.

They are perfect to me.


Peace and Love

Mrs. Ceda

The Kindness of Strangers

I wish I could tell you that it's all wine and roses. That your kids are always going to be on their best behavior every time you go out and will be perfect little angels at home.

But oh, would I be a liar.

Meltdowns in our family can last anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours, and they are not always at home. They can happen anywhere, and in their wake I usually feel defeated. I feel like I've completely failed my kiddos because no matter what I did it wasn't good enough, even though I tried. I don't like to talk much about these events,especially the public ones,  because they are a stinging reminder of just how hard my kiddos really have it and just how cruel the scrutinizing world can be.


But some stories are worth repeating, because some have a happy ending.


It was nearing the end of April vacation, and the kiddos were getting restless. I decided to take them for a walk on the waterfront one unusually warm day just to break up the monotony and get them out of the house. Naturally, the walk wasn't without incident, but I had expected as much and soldiered on, praying for the rest our trip to go without incident. Once we got to the main drag, they saw an ice cream restaurant and insisted that we go over. The line was around the corner when they plunked themselves down at a table, and I knew then that this wasn't going to end well. There was no way they were going to be patient enough to wait that long. I made the crucial mistake then of telling them the line was too long and we'd have to try again another time.

They. Lost. It.

Full on, high pitched shrieking and crying. Sweet Pea was wailing at the top of her lungs and Monkey was screaming and throwing himself on the ground. He went into "jell-o mode" (where he becomes dead weight) when I tried to pick him up so we could get going and get away from the staring and scowling crowds. We had reached a cross walk and now that I had Monkey in my arms, Sweet Pea was on the ground. Both were still wailing and I could feel myself losing it when I was approached. A gentleman, probably not much older than me, stopped me before we crossed.

"Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you were struggling. Do you need help? I have a little guy of my own, but if there's anything I can do...?"

I was flabbergasted.  Most people would scowl or scold me and tell me to get my kids under control, and here this man was, acknowledging the difficulty of my situation and still offering to help. I choked back the tears of gratitude and thanked him. I politely refused because we still had a long walk back to the car. That's when he put his hand on my shoulder and said the best thing you can say to an autism mama. The one thing I needed to hear and will never forget:

"You're doing a great job, Mom."

I nearly burst into tears at his kindness. I nodded my thanks and we parted ways. The meltdown continued all the way back to the car and  all the way home. Once we were home and both children had parted ways into their respective rooms to calm down, I made myself a cup of Earl Grey and reflected on what he said to me.  It made me feel validated. It squashed those feelings of failure and defeat and restored my faith not only in myself but in the world again.


So to you, kind sir, I want to say thank you. Thank you for your understanding and your empathy. It means more than you'll ever know!


In the immortal words of Capt. Jean Luc Picard:

Pretty sure this stranger lived by this mantra. I think everyone should!

Peace and Love

Mrs.Ceda

Don't Judge

Everywhere you look within the past week you've seen something having to do with Harambe the gorilla. About how he was shot and killed when a toddler fell into his enclosure. It was a tragic event, no doubt, and I'm positive it was not the route the zoo wanted to take. But a little boy's life was in danger, and regardless of whether Harambe was intending to harm the child or not, action had to be taken.

And as a result of these stories, the mother has been vilified. She has been put through the ringer and hung out to dry.  She has been called an idiot, negligent, a moron, and people have even said she should be drug out into the street and shot.

Back the truck up a second here.

Now I have seen negligent parenting. I work in retail, I see it every day. I've seen parents let their kids wander the toy aisles while they're off looking for matching seat cushions for their overpriced patio sets. These kids aren't tweens, either. I'm talking anywhere from 4-10 years of age, and they just let them go.  What's even more upsetting is when they stand at the end of the department and just holler for the kids like they're puppies. I can say something to the parents about not leaving their children unattended, and I have, but I can't call them out on their clearly bad parenting. The whole situation is infuriating because I really just want to slap them upside the head.  I have also seen parents so consumed in their phones that they don't realize their little one has wandered ahead. That's not negligence so much as sheer ignorance but again, I can't call them out on that. And that very well could have been the case in Cincinnati. The parents could have been distracted by cell phones, conversation, or something and just not been paying attention while their little guy ventured off. But then again...

Those of us who are parents know better, especially those of us who are ausome parents. I'm not saying this was a spectrum kid. I'm just saying that as autism parents, we are a little more in tune with a child's ability to be easily distracted. Anyway.  We know that even the most well behaved child can have an off day. We know that even when we have drilled into the kiddos' heads that they must stay with mom and dad and always hold hands, that little minds are easily distracted. Within the past year, we took Sweet Pea and Monkey to Dave and Buster's. Yeah, yeah, I know. Completely different from taking them to a zoo, but hear me out. We had gone over the social story time and time again about how staying with Mommy and Daddy keeps them safe and they should never walk away. So we're in the arcade and I had Sweet Pea with one hand and Monkey with the other. Monkey dropped Mr. Bear. I told Sweet Pea to stay put so I could get Mr.Bear. In the time it took me to retrieve the errant toy at my feet and hand it back to Monkey, less than 10 seconds, she had wandered out of my sight. I started to panic before I spotted her walking over to Daddy, who was 20 feet away at another machine. This was fortunately a crisis averted, but you see what I'm getting at here. It only takes a second for a kid to take off. You can be the most hyper vigilant helicopter parent on the face of the planet, but even you have to sneeze, cough, blink, yawn or even help another child. It is physically impossible for you to be everywhere and looking everywhere at once.

The bottom line is this. This is a sad situation for all involved. The parents, the child, and the zoo for having to take out a member of an endangered species. But placing blame helps absolutely no one. Maybe it was negligent parenting. Maybe it wasn't. We don't know because we weren't there. I know I don't want to be unfairly judged, and I can't imagine you would want to be, either.  So ease up a bit.

Peace

Mrs.Ceda

Tough Decisions

Those who know me well know that I spent some time working in an outpatient mental health clinic. Now I'm not a therapist, and I'm most certainly not a doctor or NP, but I did work front office and intake, and on more than one occasion was asked to phone in a prescription. I was familiar with many of the medications and their various side effects. I saw people benefit from these medications, and I also saw some go through rigorous trial and error where nothing worked. Some got better. Some didn't. I couldn't imagine what the parents of the children on meds were going through when they made the decision to go that route. I was naive back then. I had no idea what it was like to even have a child, let alone a child with any kind of condition that would require medical treatment.  I remember when I got pregnant with Sweet Pea, I thought to myself: "I don't ever want to put my child on medication. If it comes to that, we will find another way." I knew the stigma that came along with the decision to medicate. I knew how society looked down on parents who decided that this method was the best way to treat their child. My husband and I talked it over and he agreed with me. No matter what, we would find another way.


Never had we thought we'd be faced with this decision.


Getting Monkey's diagnosis was a blow. It was hard enough raising one child with autism, and now we had two. But we put on our big kid pants, strapped on our boots and dove in head first. No choice now. This was the hand that life had dealt us and we were going to play it. Of course, we automatically assumed that everything would go the same as it had with Sweet Pea. We figured he would make the same progress and hit the same milestones in the same way that she did. But of course...


The first time we noticed something different about him was toward the end of his last year at preschool. He couldn't seem to sit still and had trouble staying on task. His behaviors, seemingly gone through the first half of the year, had started to resurface. I spoke with his pediatrician, and he had both myself and Monkey's teacher fill out Vanderbilt Scales. After reviewing the results, the doctor decided that we should revisit the assessment when Monkey started kindergarten. I was hesitant, but agreed with him and decided to wait. Summer came and went, and Monkey made little progress in the summer program. He was acting out more, not listening and was continually unable to focus.  Kindergarten started last fall, and he went through the typical adjustment period with the meltdowns and the lost sleep. Then he leveled out and seemed to be doing okay. He was making pretty good progress and there was talk of moving him into the integrated class for longer than 20 minutes a day. His behaviors decreased again and although he was still fidgety, he seemed to be doing okay.

And then Christmas break came along. Upon returning to school, the behaviors became more prominent. He became increasingly unable to focus or sit still. The rough weeks seemed to outnumber the easy weeks. February rolled around and when we went through the IEP, each and every assessment stated that though he was still making progress, he was being inhibited by his high activity level and his inability to stay on task without constant redirection. Lately he has been having trouble with impulse control and has been hitting teachers. Not maliciously, he just doesn't understand how to control his emotions. He'd also been flopping, screaming, and being unsafe on the playground and in the hallway.  So once again, I put in a call to the pediatrician and we redid the Vanderbilt Scales.Upon reviewing  those and reviewing Monkey's IEP assessments, the doctor concluded that we were indeed dealing with ADHD and that the appropriate route to take would be to put Monkey on a stimulant. He starts them tomorrow.

It was at Christmastime that Daddy Ceda and I began discussing the possibility of our son needing medication to help him be in better control of himself. We were both still very wary. Neither one of us wanted to accept that maybe this was what he needed. We didn't want to do it. We wanted to exhaust every other method first. We were set firm in our decision at that point, the same one we had made when we were expecting Sweet Pea. No meds. So we tried everything. We tried weighted blankets and back packs. No help. We tried deep pressure. Temporary relief, but in the long term not a viable solution. We tried reward charts for good behavior. Worked briefly, but ended up failing. We tried just about everything until there was nothing left to try. We'd reached the end. As reluctant as we were, we both decided that this would be the best route. That medication would be what would help him the most, stigma be damned. Our son's ability to focus in school and function in society was far more important than what the world might think of us.

It was a hard, drawn out decision for us, but the bottom line is this. We are the experts on our child. We know what works and what doesn't, and we have faith that our decision is in his best interest. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Keep Your Head Up

      Getting the kiddos off the bus on Friday, the driver asked me if we were going anywhere on vacation the following week. I kind of laughed and shrugged her off, telling her we'd probably stay local.  Going out for us is kind of like what Forrest Gump says about life. It's "a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

    Most of our outings are okay. We tell the kids where we're going and what we are doing and repeat several times to them to be on their best behavior and listen to mom and dad.   I would say that about 8 out of 10 trips are what one could consider a success. A success consists of no meltdowns, relatively quiet voices and no bolting or running through parking lots. A peaceful ride home is the icing on the cake of a great day.  But of course, there's bound to be some difficulties sprinkled in there. If something doesn't go according to plan, like not having dessert at the restaurant, or not being allowed to run into the move theater. Or heaven forbid there's a hand drier or automatic flush in the bathroom.  This is when things start to spiral out of control. This is when we slam on the brakes and scream in the middle of The Olive Garden on the way to the bathroom, and when we throw ourselves on the floor of the mall and start wailing because running in the movies is not allowed. 

    This is also when people start to stare.

    It doesn't bother me now, but I  used to get so mortified. I always felt like I was being judged. People would stare, glare and scowl at me. Some would even be so bold as to say something,  Though it was muttered, I could hear what they were saying loud and clear.

"Can't she control her kid?"

"I hate it when parents let their kids get away with this."

"What a spoiled brat."


    The last one always got me. My kiddos were not brats! How could they say that without ever having met them? Both Sweet Pea and Monkey are bright, beautiful, funny, amazing kids.These people see them at a very vulnerable moment and automatically label them as rotten, spoiled children. It wasn't fair! My frustration and mortification would always get the best of me, and I would get angry and bodily carry my kicking and wailing child out of the situation. After that the day would just continue to cascade into an abyss of misery with more shouting, screaming and continued melting down until the kid was tucked into bed and I was crying into a glass or two of wine. It got to the point where I didn't want to take them out anymore because I didn't want to be judged.

    It wasn't until after I got Monkey's diagnosis that I had my moment of clarity.  Why on earth should it matter what other people say? These outsiders didn't know what kind of challenge we had been given, raising two kids on the spectrum. Chances are, they didn't even know my kiddos  had autism. I realized then that I had lost my focus. Instead of spending all this time fretting about what the world will think of me, I should really be addressing the needs of my clearly distressed children. I had been too busy worrying about how I would look in the eyes of society. I was ashamed of myself.

     I decided that enough was enough and I had to start paying attention to what my kids are trying to tell me. They are telling me that this isn't about me, this is about them. At this point in time, whatever is going on is too much for them to take in and they need to leave. Getting perturbed because of what the world might think doesn't help.  I have to remember to maintain my calm, keep my head up, and ignore the muttered oaths, stares and judgmental head shakes because they don't matter. The most important thing to me in the world is the happiness and well being of my children, and I am going to do everything possible to see that maintained.  If the kiddos know I'm doing my best, and I know I'm doing my best, then to hell with what anyone else has to say about it! I got plenty of stares the day I had to carry Monkey screaming from the food court, but I didn't get angry and couldn't have cared less what anyone else thought. And you know what? Monkey and I were better off for it. He calmed down almost as soon as we were outside and when we met Daddy and Sweet Pea at the car, the rest of the day was perfect

    So the take away from today's lesson is this: Don't let what might happen stop you from taking your child out and being a part of society. If something does go wrong, keep your head up and do what you know in your heart is best. The stares and mutters of others might sting at first, but that hurt quickly fades once you see that grateful smile on your kiddo's face and you know that you saved the day.



Peace and Love.



  "Love the child in front of you. Encourage his strengths, celebrate his quirks, and improve his weaknesses, the way you would with any child. You may have to work harder on some of this, but that’s the goal.” – Claire Scovell LaZebnik

Welcome!

::taps microphone::

Is this thing on??

::enthusiastic wave::

Hi!

Welcome to Autism Momming 101. Thanks for coming and so glad you could join me!  In this class we'll explore the ins and outs of raising kids with Autism. I'm no expert, not by any stretch. I just know what I know based on what I've learned and continue to learn while raising my two amazing kiddos on the spectrum.  I was going to call it Autism Parenting, but that sounds super boring, and no one likes parenting classes. I could have called it Autism Momming and Dadding, but that's long and awkward. So Autism Momming it is! But Autism Dads shouldn't feel excluded, though. I know you're out there and you should know that we are so glad you're here. You should also know: you rock!

Anyhow, let's get back on track. We certainly didn't ask for this for our kiddos.  It's heart breaking when you first realize than something is off. When you're on a playdate with your friend, and you see her little girl babbling and laughing and stacking blocks. And then you look over at your sweet girl and she's sitting in the middle of the floor, by herself, spinning a wheel on an upside down toy car, or lining up blocks and just staring at them. All while not making a sound. Or when instead of playing on the equipment, your little man just paces silently back and forth over the playground bridge, tracing the straight line of the hand rail with his eyes.

You don't want to admit it, but you know you've got to do something. So you call Early Intervention and your little is evaluated and admitted for services. You think this is going to help, and sometimes it does. Sometimes it's successful and your little comes through with all the skills needed to succeed in preschool and beyond. But sometimes it isn't. Sometimes, progress isn't made and you end up getting an appointment with a pediatric neurologist. And then you get your diagnosis.

ASD.

Autism.

Your sweet baby is 1 in 68.


You're floored. How are you going to get through this? Where did you go wrong? Was there something you did that could have prevented this? Maybe you should have read to him more. Maybe you shouldn't have let her watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and put on some Mozart instead. What's going to become of your child now that they  have this life changing diagnosis? How could this have happened?

Well, first off stop blaming yourself. This isn't your fault and there's nothing you could have done or not done that could have prevented this. There is no known cause for autism, it's just one of those things that happen. No amount of  extra reading, classical music, or limitation of screen time could have changed that. Second, you have to remember to breathe. S/he is still the same sweet, beautiful child they were before, now you just have a little more insight into what's going on inside his/her head. And third, take it one day at a time. If you keep focusing on tomorrow, you're going to miss out on today.

I know. It's daunting. I'm still freaking out and I've been on this ride since 2010! It's scary! But like I said, breathe, and take it one day at a time. With you by their side, your kiddo(s) is(are) going to be just fine. That's why I'm here, and why we're all here in Autism Momming 101. We're here to share what we know and what we continue to learn on this spectrum wide journey that is autism.

So welcome to class! And I hope you enjoy your time here and we're all able to help each other learn and grow.


*feel free to browse through my old posts. I haven't written in almost 2 years, and it was time for a face lift!*

"I'm so sorry" ...or... "Things You Should Never Say to an Autism Parent"

I was out perusing Wal-Mart one day with Johnny, and like he has a tendency to do when he's excited, he was chattering quite loudly and gesturing animatedly with his hands. Some of it was gibberish, but most of it was words he'd see on signs or numbers on price tags. I praised him for using his voice and his words, which only made him talk louder and get more excited. We were having a blast and I was so thrilled just to hear him talk and laugh, where as just over a year ago all he did was basically screech.

Meanwhile, the other patrons and some of the employees were either staring or glaring at us as we shopped. At one point, as we were in an aisle and Johnny was gesticulating wildly with his hands and sputtering jargon, a random person in the same aisle asked:

"What's wrong with him?"

I swallowed my irritation, plastered a fake smile on my face and answered:

"Nothing. He's just excited."

She frowns.

"Why's he doing that with his hands?"

"He can't verbalize his feelings yet, so that's how he conveys his excitement. He has Autism."

Her visible annoyance is replaced with pity.

"Oh I'm so sorry."

My ire bubbles up but I bite it back, smile, nod, and walk away.


This is unfortunately something we as Autism parents have to deal with every day. The public seems to feel that because our children are on the spectrum, that there is something wrong with them and we need their pity. I blame this view entirely on the media and their portrayal of Autism as a proverbial death sentence. To anyone who is unfamiliar and uneducated about the wide spectrum that is Autism, the media leads them to believe that all people with Autism are violent introverts who require constant care and supervision and will never truly be a part of society. They are also convinced that the parents and caretakers require sympathy because our kids are not "normal" and we as well will never live full lives because of that.

Well, here and now, that stigma ends.


"What's wrong with him?"

Nothing. What's wrong with you? Having an autism diagnosis doesn't mean that there is something wrong. He just learns how to interact with his environment differently than you do. I'll give you an example. If you see a pretty flower in the garden, you smile and stop to admire it. Johnny might see the same flower and also smile, but his excitement extends beyond his smile and he might run into the garden and mash the flower with his hand. Where you understand how to appreciate the beauty of the flower without disturbing it, he doesn't quite get that and has to be taught.  He's not wrong, he just learns at a different pace.


"I'm sorry"

I'm not! My children are as happy and healthy as yours! Why on earth would you be sorry about a child? Sure, they might react a little strangely when you first meet, and they might not look you in the eye when you talk to them. And yes I may look a little harried when my son is chatting up a storm and and my daughter has her hands clapped over her ears, yelling at him to stop because the sound of his voice is too loud for her. But I'm not sorry. I don't need sympathy or pity for any of that, because they are happy, healthy, and greet each morning with a  deep breath and a smile. Just like your kids.


"Just tell him to stop." (when he's screaming or jargoning)

Not that cut and dry. As I stated before. He learns at a different pace than you. He has to be taught with thorough repetition and often with  PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System) which behaviors are acceptable and which aren't in order to achieve what he wants. "Just telling him to stop" isn't effective, because what he's doing is his way of communicating. Would you like it if someone told you to stop when you were trying to talk?


"Isn't he too old/big for that?"

This is my favorite. I got this once when we took the kids out to eat and I requested a high chair for my son. He's a big boy (44" / 50lb at 4 years old), but still needs to be in a carriage at the store and often a high chair at a restaurant. He's getting better at learning the appropriate behaviors, but because of his delay he's still a bit wild and not always easy to control. He gets antsy, he runs, and he bolts. I have to do what I can to keep him safe and keep him calm. So no, he's not too old or too big for that. I requested it for a reason because I know what my son needs. Don't question me, just do as I ask.


"S/he'll grow out of it."

Um yeah. No. That's not how Autism works. The diagnosis doesn't just go away like a cold or the chicken pox, or a behavior like temper tantrums that can be unlearned. Though it is still unclear what causes it, Autism is an issue in the brain that causes the child to be sometimes slightly, sometimes severely delayed in their development. It is a life long "ordeal" for lack of better words, not a behavior that can be outgrown. Sure, there are certain behaviors and stims that may fade with time, but my children will always have Autism, and many people with Autism go on to live full lives. Just look at Temple Grandin!





There are hundreds of more inappropriate comments, but these are just a few of the most common ones I am faced with when out and about with Jordan and Johnny. So please, do yourself (and me) a favor when you feel the need to chime in when my child(ren) is/are having a hard time in public, or doing something that you think isn't "normal": don't.


I'll be blogging again soon with updates from this past (very exciting!) school year, as well as all the fun from this winter and spring! Until next time, friends!

Stay awesome!

Just two happy kids on the playground!

Summer Fun, First Experiences and the BIG move

Fall is here, and that means it's time to catch up on the goings on of this past summer. As you know, summer started off a bit rough in our house as we received Johnny's Autism diagnosis. It wasn't so much of a shock as it was a blow, but we pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps and wouldn't let this minor speed bump get us down. He is still the same happy-go-lucky little guy we fell in love with three years ago.

His first month at school was a culture shock. He didn't care for the structure at all and fought Miss Roxanne and her staff at every turn. There were some glimmers of understanding, but for the most part he had a really difficult time with the demands of the classroom. He liked going to school and was always happy when I dropped him off, but things were progressing a great deal slower than I expected when I'd pick him up and hear that he wouldn't sit for circle time and cried when he wasn't allowed to play with a certain toy for an extended period of time.  But then I gave myself a reality check and realized that I was setting the bar way too high. Once I came to that  moment of clarity and realized that he would 'get it' but it would just take time, I was able to relax.

And he did get it.

Well, started to, anyway. As much as one such as he could get in a six week period. He got on the bus for summer school without an issue and within the first week I was getting reports home that Johnny was having "good" days at school. He was following simple directions, sitting for circle time and even singing the songs with the other children. By the third week, Johnny had turned into a chatty-pants and was attempting to converse with anyone who would listen. There were a handful of words, but it was mostly jargon. I called it a win anyway, because he was talking! He was hailed as the most polite kid in class, because he could very clearly and appropriately say "please,"  "thank you," and "you're welcome."  He began enjoying school, and by the end of summer school in August, he got his first "great" report home!  He was well behaved, transitioned beautifully, and played with his friends. He was using simple signs and more words and phrases were popping up. We're both so proud of his progress!

Jordan, per usual, had an amazing year in kindergarten. She gained so many valuable skills over the year and through hard work and determination, proved herself more than ready for the first grade. Her graduation ceremony was to-die-for cute, with all the kids singing a song called "First Grade, First Grade" to the tune of  the Sinatra classic "New York, New York." Jordan got a diploma and my little ham posed for two pictures with her teacher, who was so proud of her. She was so excited to see that Daddy came from work to see her graduate, too! Afterwards, we went to Johnny's graduation ceremony at Mt. Pleasant, where everyone greeted her with hugs and high fives. Miss Popularity herself! And naturally, she had a stellar round this year in summer school, wowing the teachers with her skills and personality. At the rate she's going, I wouldn't  put it past my girl to be class president in high school!

Jordan and Miss Mortensen

Daddy and the Graduate!

Johnny's Graduation!

Johnny and his friend Leigha!

On to the really fun parts of summer! We spent lots of time at the beach this year! Jordan and Johnny loved it! They played in the sand, jumped waves, and collected shells, hermit crabs and sand dollars. Johnny especially loved collecting rocks, though it took quite a bit of convincing to make him understand that it wasn't okay to throw them! Another one of Johnny's favorite things to do at the beach was play with the mud. He liked to bury his feet in it and squish it through his fingers. He has no sensory issues, my quirky little guy! Jordan, the little fish, spent most of her time in the water. She loved jumping the waves and pretending to swim. She still struggles with following directions, but I'm confident that after this year she will be ready to enroll in swimming lessons next summer! One of the highlights was the hottest day of the summer where we spent the entire day at the beach with Uncle Adam, Auntie Pam, Logan and Gammie. The tide was going out when we got there, so we spent the whole time in the water. It was a great, relaxing day and a fun way to spend time with Uncle Adam and Auntie Pam before their big move to Tennessee. Our yearly trip to Saquish was a blast, of course. The kids swam and played all day and slept all night each night we stayed. Jordan loved sitting in her floatie and riding the waves with Daddy, and Johnny's favorite thing to do was chase the sea gulls yelling "quack! quack! quack!" He hasn't quite got the fact that not all birds are ducks, but he will! :) Too funny! We can't wait to go back next year!

Chillin with Auntie Pam and Logan

Silly faces with Uncle Adam

At Saquish with Mommy!

Cheese!

Diva in the waves!

Sitting with my sister

Quack! Quack! Quack!

For the first time this summer, Jordan and Johnny went to the movies! AMC cinemas runs a program in conjunction with the Autism Society of America called "Sensory Friendly Films" for kids with Autism and sensory processing issues. The sound of the film is turned down and the lights are kept up, and if the kids get antsy they are allowed to get up, walk around and talk if they need to. It's a great program!  Both kids are huge fans of Despicable Me, and as you are all aware the sequel came out this summer. We were very excited to learn that the Braintree AMC Cinema was running a Sensory Friendly showing of it shortly after it's release, so we surprised the kids that weekend and took them up to see it. Jordan was very excited and Johnny fed off that excitement as we waited in line for our tickets. She picked out M&M's and juice for both of them at the concession stand and they held our hands as we walked in and sat down in the theater. As soon as the movie started they were both mesmerized. Both kids sat with their drinks and candy in their lap and watched the whole film, with Johnny only checking in with me twice to make sure I got some juice. John and I both got to watch the movie, which we weren't expecting! We had a great time, and they can't wait to go again!

Waiting for the Movie!

The beginning of fall marked not only the start of first grade for Jordan and full day preschool for Johnny, but also a change of atmosphere for the whole family. Condo life just wasn't suiting us anymore. There wasn't enough room for all of us, the kids were constantly fighting in their room, and there was no safe place for them play outside. Fortune just happened to smile upon us in August and we were able to move in to my parents' old house, also the house I grew up in. With the help of good friends and family, we were all moved in and settled within just a few weeks.   Jordan and Johnny both have their own rooms now and a big back yard to play in that they are absolutely loving. We've been here about a month, and neither child has had any transition issues. They settled in seamlessly and are enjoying the bigger space. The atmosphere is noticeably lighter, Johnny and Jordan are more amenable to change now and we are all much, much happier. The new house also means a neighborhood to go trick or treating in! Johnny is going to be Spider Man, and Jordan has decided she's going to be Iron Man this year. So it looks like I'll be hitting up Amazon again for a little girls' Iron Man costume!   

Our new home!

School so far has been going very well for both Jordan and Johnny so far. Johnny now clearly answers yes or no questions, follows routine and listens to and completes simple directions. His reports home are mostly "good" or "great."  Every night he takes "beyah" (bear)  and "Woo-yee" (Woody) to bed, gives kisses and says " I yah yoo" (I love you). He is also trying harder to converse by using words more frequently than jargon. Jordan has a male teacher for the first time! I was nervous about it at first, where she's always had female teachers in the past. But she seems to really like him! Open house in next week, so I'm really looking forward to meeting with him. She is trying very hard in class, making new friends, and is adjusting well to the idea of doing homework. She still struggles with following directions, but with positive reinforcement she is getting much better. I can't wait to see what this year brings.

We're looking forward to a fun filled fall and a happier, healthier life here in our new home.

Until next time, folks!

Our First Grader!

So excited for preschool!

Big Changes!

    I specifically saved this post until after Johnny's IEP meeting, so I could share all the good news at one time. I can't even begin to describe the pride I feel in how well Sweet Pea and Monkey are doing. Within in a few weeks of each other, I had Jordan's 3 year re-eval/IEP meeting and Johnny's very first meeting. They went very well and are going to help pave the road to success for both of them.

     Before an IEP is established, the student has to be evaluated to assess their skills and see if they qualify for special needs services. Once it is in place, the student is eligible for 3 years and the goals on the plan are updated yearly. Before the end of the third year, the student has to be reassessed for eligibility. Believe it or not, this was Jordan's third year! Her physical, occupational, educational and speech testing took place over the month of April. She was also given a psychological assessment. All the results were gone over at her meeting at the beginning of May.

    I'm not going to lie, I was a little nervous going in. I know that because of her autism she automatically qualifies, but for some reason I had it in my head that they were going to reduce her services and I was going to have to go to battle for her. Of course I was wrong. As well as she's doing, Jordan still has hurdles she needs to overcome. She is learning to read and can write her name like a champ. She is fairly good at following directions, but can easily get distracted and will sometimes forget a step. She has some issues with math fluency, which doesn't surprise me because math has never been a strong suit on my side of the family. Her phys ed skills are coming along, though she has some work to do on object control (running and dribbling a ball, kicking a ball while running, etc.) and motor planning, which is manipulating her hands and body to accomplish certain tasks.  Her social skills are budding. She knows how to start a conversation but has difficulty carrying it on, and she is also apprehensive about initiating play with another student. She is very determined to do well, which is working to her benefit. One thing that I was very pleased to hear was that the school psychologist said she couldn't have picked Jordan out of the entire integrated kindergarten class as the student with autism! She was the most well behaved! Overall, her team is very impressed with her progress and adjustment. Next fall she will still be receiving speech, physical and occupational therapy, but she will be in the fully integrated first grade class!  I am confident she's going to do great!

    Johnny had his PT and OT assessments done together, and his speech done separately on a different day. Because he's so high energy, much of the formal testing couldn't be done. However, he is showing emerging skills. He has good motor control and planning, and though it may not be aimed at someone specific he can throw and kick a ball. He can hold a crayon and can manipulate small objects with his hands. He makes great eye contact and is able to convey to us his needs by leading us to what he wants and pointing. He jargons frequently and has very few true words. He does use intonation, so it is clear what he may be feeling or if he is asking a question. What isn't clear however, is what he is trying to say.  The speech pathologist did note, though, that he has all of the vowel and consonant sounds, and at it is just a matter of forming those sounds into words. Due to his autism, he also qualifies for special needs services and will be receiving physical, occupational and speech therapies at Mt. Pleasant Preschool. He will be attending a full day program, but will be in the ASD class as he's not quite ready for the integrated class yet. We are more than pleased that he will be seeing Miss Roxanne, who was Jordan's first teacher and worked wonders with her!  We had our first visit with Miss Roxanne's class today, and Johnny loved it! He explored the whole classroom, and was very excited when the other kids started to file in. He even sought out another student and was playing along side him. This is huge, as he usually just plays by himself. He was very sad to leave, which excites me to no end because that means he will probably acclimate well to preschool. We're going back for another visit on Thursday and are going to stay through circle time to see how it goes. Hopefully by then his IEP will be done and I can sign it so he can officially start next Monday. Yes, I know it is close to the end of the school year, but this will at least give him the opportunity to get used to the routine of going to school before summer school starts in July.

    Ah, yes. Summer school. This year, both Johnny and Jordan will be attending! It's the same deal as before. A six week program starting after the fourth of July and running through mid August, three days a week 9am - 2pm. As it stands, Johnny will only be going for a half day. However, that could change depending on how well he does over the next month in Miss Roxanne's class. I think he's going to do great and the full day will be in the cards for him. As a bonus, cousin Genevieve will also be in summer school, so Johnny will have a friend! It's going to be a challenging but fun summer  for our little Monkey as he conquers his biggest hurdle yet!

    As sad as it was for EI to end, Johnny has only benefited from seeing his Heather every week. The skills we've both learned over the past year will help us tremendously in the coming months. Through our work together not only have gained valuable knowledge, but also a treasured friendship. We just want to say thank you, Heather, for all you've done for us and we love you!

   This summer will bring new and exciting experiences for us all. I can hardly wait to see how it all turns out!


Until next time, friends!

All smiles for the beach!

Running in the waves with my big sis! 

A beautiful backdrop for a beautiful girl!

Health and Safety

Yes, this is a blog about Autism. And yes, this is a blog about the ups and downs of raising two children with Autism. However, I have the need to address something that may not be directly related to Autism, but has everything to do with raising children in a healthy and safe environment.

I love that Spring is here. The days are longer, the weather is warmer and the sunny days outnumber the rainy ones. This means that the kids and I can take more walks and spend more time at our favorite place: the playground! Johnny has recently taught himself to climb ladders and enjoys running amok on the sky high jungle gym and sliding down the twisting slide. Jordan loves the swings. She likes to kick her feet as hard as she can and soar through the air like she's flying. It's so heartwarming to watch them play with the other kids.  In recent trips, however, I have seen some things that have greatly disturbed me. One thing, actually, and it has occurred multiple times. 

Smoking.

Look, I get it. It's a personal choice to destroy one's lungs with tar, nicotine and other poisonous chemicals. I can't stop you from doing it. But do you have to do it around my kids? And not just mine, other people's? Children at playgrounds range in age from 2 years to 12 years. All are very impressionable. If they see adults doing this, there is a strong chance that they will want to do it too. There is also the risk of second hand smoke. Yes, it's in open air and the probability of inhalation is slim unless you're standing directly downwind from the smoker. But the probability is still there. There is also the further lack of respect the smokers have for the environment when they flick their butts on the ground, where any curious child could pick it up.

In recent years we have fought to outlaw smoking in public places. Most restaurants are smoke free, as are bars, coffee shops, and even our local mall. If we can fight to protect the health of the general public as they dine, drink and shop, why can't we fight for the health of our children while they are at play? My kids have as much a right as anyone to clean, healthy air.

I'm not going to martyr myself above other parents, but with children that have receptive language skills that aren't as developed as their typical peers, it's hard enough to convey the difference between what is healthy and what is not.I can tell them that smoking is bad for them, but that doesn't mean that they will fully understand what I am saying to them. This is why I think, as parents, we all need to take a stand against smoking at playgrounds. We should be able to take our kids out to play without having to worry about whether they will be exposed to toxic fumes or poor examples of how to take care of one's body. I know that the next time I see it, I am going to say something. I hope you all will, too. Maybe someday the right people will hear our pleas and do the same for our children as they have for the paying public and ban smoking at playgrounds. 

Playground fun!

I love the slide!