But oh, would I be a liar.
Meltdowns in our family can last anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours, and they are not always at home. They can happen anywhere, and in their wake I usually feel defeated. I feel like I've completely failed my kiddos because no matter what I did it wasn't good enough, even though I tried. I don't like to talk much about these events,especially the public ones, because they are a stinging reminder of just how hard my kiddos really have it and just how cruel the scrutinizing world can be.
But some stories are worth repeating, because some have a happy ending.
It was nearing the end of April vacation, and the kiddos were getting restless. I decided to take them for a walk on the waterfront one unusually warm day just to break up the monotony and get them out of the house. Naturally, the walk wasn't without incident, but I had expected as much and soldiered on, praying for the rest our trip to go without incident. Once we got to the main drag, they saw an ice cream restaurant and insisted that we go over. The line was around the corner when they plunked themselves down at a table, and I knew then that this wasn't going to end well. There was no way they were going to be patient enough to wait that long. I made the crucial mistake then of telling them the line was too long and we'd have to try again another time.
They. Lost. It.
Full on, high pitched shrieking and crying. Sweet Pea was wailing at the top of her lungs and Monkey was screaming and throwing himself on the ground. He went into "jell-o mode" (where he becomes dead weight) when I tried to pick him up so we could get going and get away from the staring and scowling crowds. We had reached a cross walk and now that I had Monkey in my arms, Sweet Pea was on the ground. Both were still wailing and I could feel myself losing it when I was approached. A gentleman, probably not much older than me, stopped me before we crossed.
"Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you were struggling. Do you need help? I have a little guy of my own, but if there's anything I can do...?"
I was flabbergasted. Most people would scowl or scold me and tell me to get my kids under control, and here this man was, acknowledging the difficulty of my situation and still offering to help. I choked back the tears of gratitude and thanked him. I politely refused because we still had a long walk back to the car. That's when he put his hand on my shoulder and said the best thing you can say to an autism mama. The one thing I needed to hear and will never forget:
"You're doing a great job, Mom."
I nearly burst into tears at his kindness. I nodded my thanks and we parted ways. The meltdown continued all the way back to the car and all the way home. Once we were home and both children had parted ways into their respective rooms to calm down, I made myself a cup of Earl Grey and reflected on what he said to me. It made me feel validated. It squashed those feelings of failure and defeat and restored my faith not only in myself but in the world again.
So to you, kind sir, I want to say thank you. Thank you for your understanding and your empathy. It means more than you'll ever know!
In the immortal words of Capt. Jean Luc Picard:
Pretty sure this stranger lived by this mantra. I think everyone should!
Peace and Love
Mrs.Ceda
“I just wanted to share this. I was with Liam in a home goods store. He was having a really tough day. He was making loud noises, climbing in and out of the cart/displays, throwing merchandise…and just generally tantrumming. I was getting many shocked looks and wagging heads. One lady commented “you sure do have your hands full”. So, when a well dressed and groomed woman approached and said ” I just want to let you know you are an amazing mother” I blurted out “he has autism”. She looked at me and I noticed her eyes were red. She said ” whether he has autism or not, you are a great mom and I just wanted to tell you that” I was stunned and stammered ” what do you mean?” she replied ” I NEVER see anyone parent like that…so rarely. You walked away and calmly told him that you would speak to him when he was calm. You didn’t engage with him. Then when he calmed down you got down on his level and made eye contact and explained to him why his behavior was not appropriate. He is very lucky to have you” I was floored and my eyes welled up with tears. I told her thank you, and that it really means so much to me as the day before he was given his final diagnosis and I was having a hard time. I touched her shoulder and she walked away. Then Liam had to poop… In a public place. I managed to get him past the aisle with a tricycle …and into the bathroom. He was pooping and trying to stick his hands in the water to touch it, trying to stand up mid poop, opening and closing the tampon receptacle…it took a long time. We finally made it out and I got him through hand washing ” first we get soap, then we scrub, etc” I looked over and there was the same woman! She stepped forward and said, ” i don’t want you to think I am stalking you or anything. I just want to give you this, it is a gift card with 100 dollars on it. You are such a great mom and I want you to have this” I started shaking and tearing up. I told her “you are an angel” she said ” no you are an angel, merry Christmas” I wish I had asked her name. I will never forget her kindness…it seemed that God sent her just as I was feeling my lowest to let me know it would be ok. I just had to share this…it is amazing how much one person can impact your life. I kept the now empty card as a reminder.”
ReplyDelete“I just wanted to share this. I was with Liam in a home goods store. He was having a really tough day. He was making loud noises, climbing in and out of the cart/displays, throwing merchandise…and just generally tantrumming. I was getting many shocked looks and wagging heads. One lady commented “you sure do have your hands full”. So, when a well dressed and groomed woman approached and said ” I just want to let you know you are an amazing mother” I blurted out “he has autism”. She looked at me and I noticed her eyes were red. She said ” whether he has autism or not, you are a great mom and I just wanted to tell you that” I was stunned and stammered ” what do you mean?” she replied ” I NEVER see anyone parent like that…so rarely. You walked away and calmly told him that you would speak to him when he was calm. You didn’t engage with him. Then when he calmed down you got down on his level and made eye contact and explained to him why his behavior was not appropriate. He is very lucky to have you” I was floored and my eyes welled up with tears. I told her thank you, and that it really means so much to me as the day before he was given his final diagnosis and I was having a hard time. I touched her shoulder and she walked away. Then Liam had to poop… In a public place. I managed to get him past the aisle with a tricycle …and into the bathroom. He was pooping and trying to stick his hands in the water to touch it, trying to stand up mid poop, opening and closing the tampon receptacle…it took a long time. We finally made it out and I got him through hand washing ” first we get soap, then we scrub, etc” I looked over and there was the same woman! She stepped forward and said, ” i don’t want you to think I am stalking you or anything. I just want to give you this, it is a gift card with 100 dollars on it. You are such a great mom and I want you to have this” I started shaking and tearing up. I told her “you are an angel” she said ” no you are an angel, merry Christmas” I wish I had asked her name. I will never forget her kindness…it seemed that God sent her just as I was feeling my lowest to let me know it would be ok. I just had to share this…it is amazing how much one person can impact your life. I kept the now empty card as a reminder.”
ReplyDeleteThat is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
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